Toby
Pets are, of course, important to us and our lives. But, sometimes a pet comes into your life when you really need them for whatever reason… and that was Toby.
I didn’t want Toby. I was about a year out of a divorce, our cat, Raven, had just died, my life was a bit messy. And then a friend of mine ended up with a kitten from an outdoor only cat that was brave, friendly, and comfortable in the house. Her kids named him Toby… and she brought him to me, hidden in her purse. And when my two daughters saw him pop out, it was over…
Toby could be a punk. He loved spilling water, knocking things over and getting the dog in trouble, stealing food from my daughter, Paige. He was in things, on things, and famous for caterwauling at 4am. But, he was incredibly confident and slightly lovey. Just slightly.
When my girls were with their mom, it was Toby that added life to the house. He was one of the first pieces of me getting my shit into a pile. I had just started a job that gave me summers off. I then decided to go back to school and finish my degree. And Toby was with me for the whole thing, right into starting my MFA.
And that is where I met my wife, Natasha. One early summer day, I moved from Colorado to Kirkland, WA on road trip. Toby handled the car ride, the hotel rooms, the move like nothing. We ended up blending our pet family. She had two cats, and that was touch and go for a couple of weeks, but Toby settled into life with Ella and Oliver and they became best friends.
They moved to different houses together, flew to NYC, hung out in an Airbnb, and on to Johannesburg. All three cats handled it extraordinarily well and we often credited it to them being friends and Toby always leading the way in new places.
Here in Jozi, I’ve been working from home. And Toby, who really doesn’t like to be away from me, lead his best life as I essentially became a house cat too. I had to put a chair next to mine with a cat bed on it so he could sit next to me while I taught. When I would get up and go to a different room, he was right behind me.
We introduced Remy, a terrier rescue to the family. And Toby was the first cat to make friends with him. He also taught the dog the joy of raiding the kitchen, looking for morsels of food. Every morning, they chased each other in the kitchen.
In 2020 he was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism. We knew his life was shortened and we were on the clock now. He lost a lot of weight, but maintained what he had with meds. We couldn’t keep him from food, and getting on counters, constantly wanting to eat everything…
About a month ago, he got really lovey with both Natasha and I (he liked attention, but not a ton of it—unless it was night, then he would sleep close and snuggle). We knew something was up. Pretty quickly, he dropped more weight, and started to miss counters when he would jump. Off to the vet for blood work and everything came back normal… but he was dehydrated and losing weight. At 16 years old, he lived a great life…
The turn in his health was dramatic and in less than two weeks, after refusing to eat or drink, he passed. We made the decision to let him die at home (his hatred of the vet would’ve meant his last moments would be full of anger and terror). For his last week, we spoiled him and on the last day, I kept him right next to me… Natasha came home early and sat with him. He would purr when we touched him, but we knew it was done. Remy and I were with him when he took his last breath.
It took me a week and a half to stop crying (I cried everyday after we came back from the vet).
The beauty of life. Love, loss, tragedy, birth, ageing, death. From not wanting this striped menace, to a 16 year friendship that has seen me through so many life changes… There’s no way I would trade it…